Bankrupt in the matrix

Where attention goes energy flows

-@brick_citi_buddha


This good brother offered enlightening words. It was an IG live discussing the worth of men being tied to their productivity and how much they make. Soul food. And while it was about men, it made me think of myself. It has been a beautiful morning. The kind of morning where you wake up to love and loving. Then the alarm rings and just like that, my mind is cluttered with the thought of endless and almost pointless responsibilities in the day. I've been talking about freedom, while in metaphorical chains and its my bad.


It's jarring to think of the long hours away from my physical home and the home I have cultivated within myself. It's a new one, and like most new homes, there is still some fine tuning that has to take place. But daily, the joyless responsibilities get handled and it's done at the expense of my time and energy. It's done at my own expense. Here’s the thing: I wouldn’t mind waking up and connecting with people over beautiful words, freedom and healing. I love service. But these days, the math ain't mathing and the energy exchange lacks reciprocity.


Nothing works out of balance. I am no exception to the rules of nature. None of us are. And as much effort that I put into making someone else’s dream come true, I can put into my own. What if we worked equally as hard for the stuff we say we want in our lives? For the dreams we want to leave our minds and actualize into reality? What if we spent the time doing the things and making it happen, Captain.


It is scary. @brick_citi_buddha said it's lowkey, fear. No Friend, it's highkey fear. It’s highkey the programming turning on itself. If this were the movie The Matrix, the shit would start glitching. We’d be close to bluepilling our freedom into Zion. Not before potentially being traced and tracked down by agents. This is us, in the labyrinth of cubicles being lead by the voice on the other line. And each time I recommit to the system, I’m sitting, caught by agents. Still knowing, this ain’t it. I love the movie, The Matrix, not living in it. Fuck fear, I just wanna be free. Freedom takes dedicated action. Freedom takes more faith than fear.


Freedom takes more than just knowing you're in the matrix. We’ve known about it for some time. What are we doing about its effect on our lives? Allowing our attention to be drowned out by jobs that don't care and scrolling on the socials that get us further away from ourselves. Someone said that money is a low energetic frequency and I cannot unsee it. I did not grow up with a lot of money. My mom was a single parent of multiples. I know struggle. But we had love in each other. We had loyalty, we had our work ethic, and we had faith. I didn’t notice what we didn’t have until I went to school and started comparing it to others or getting clowned for what I lacked physically. I was getting knee deep in the matrix. We all do as kids. Dumb down our creativity, our interests, and what we know to start living up to other people’s expectations. We disappoint our true selves out the gate and it feels like betrayal when we disappoint others. No one tells us that we are valuable simply because we exist. Or, that real abundance isn’t just the zeros and commas in your bank account. It matters but it isn’t the only thing that does. Quiet as it’s kept it's not even the most important.


Instead of being on the socials...

I am prioritizing my goals. My goals of course are rooted in my joy because I will never steer me wrong. We have more power than we think and that we’d like to admit. If we set all of our attention on things that don’t matter, things that don’t center us then it is no wonder why we’re drained. But take it back. Reclaim your time. I for damn sure am especially during these colder months. I am gathering my time, my energy, my goals and living it out in a way that brings me balance. Now that you know there’s another reality to be lived… what will you do with it?


I will show love to myself and others, only.

I will consistently be at home in myself

I will keep writing daily

I will post more intentionally and consistently on the socials

I will network and connect with others

I will work to develop a space that is rooted in love, creativity and healing


I’ve got some mantras this time! I’m also going back to one of the first mantras I’ve posted on this site.


I am worth my own time. My faith vibrates higher than everything else. I have a commitment to myself, and each day I show up.


Be good to yourself, and support people who do the same.

All My Love,

Earlene