Hi, again.
I’ve been almost too tender to share.
Too soft, too fragile, too unsure in my emotions. Actually, very sure in my emotions but they are not consistent with the ones I have shown on this blog so far and I guess the inconsistency is kind of scary. This blog is more of a public journal, beautifully written if I do say so myself. So here is a poem of affirmation more to myself than anyone, but I’d like to share because it feels like time.
BIG
If I knew then, what I know now
I would have no room to be afraid
The box would be too small
And my fears
While many
Would find themselves shrinking inside of it
Now there is no box
For I have grown
Home Depot ain’t got
Enough cardboard to contain me
I be
Big
I used to be so afraid of being
Big
As much space as I take up in a room
I know that is a sign
I am supposed to be here
Yet I have spent years questioning whether
I should
Trying to Spanx my existence
To be as small and robotic
As the women who everyone thinks they like
But
I like me some me
My bigness alludes to more fashion
I can adorn myself in
I jiggle a little when I move
Try not to be hypnotized
When you see me
Walking by
I be
Big
My laughter daring you to smile
My words inviting your thought
Tender
And rough
I like me like that
I be
Big
Like my mama when she walks into a room
While physically
Not so much
You feel her
I remember looking up at her
Like she was the tallest woman I knew
Until I grew beyond her
She always said
I want my children to be better than me
So here I be
Big
Big as she dreamed me to be
If I knew then
What I know now
I would put worry to the side
And come home to myself sooner
Because girl,
I have been missing you
Needing you
This entire time
To remember
Who you are
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