Hi, again.

I’ve been almost too tender to share.

Too soft, too fragile, too unsure in my emotions. Actually, very sure in my emotions but they are not consistent with the ones I have shown on this blog so far and I guess the inconsistency is kind of scary. This blog is more of a public journal, beautifully written if I do say so myself. So here is a poem of affirmation more to myself than anyone, but I’d like to share because it feels like time.

BIG

If I knew then, what I know now

I would have no room to be afraid

The box would be too small

And my fears

While many

Would find themselves shrinking inside of it

Now there is no box

For I have grown

Home Depot ain’t got

Enough cardboard to contain me

I be

Big

I used to be so afraid of being

Big

As much space as I take up in a room

I know that is a sign

I am supposed to be here

Yet I have spent years questioning whether

I should

Trying to Spanx my existence

To be as small and robotic

As the women who everyone thinks they like

But

I like me some me

My bigness alludes to more fashion

I can adorn myself in

I jiggle a little when I move

Try not to be hypnotized

When you see me

Walking by

I be

Big

My laughter daring you to smile

My words inviting your thought

Tender

And rough

I like me like that

I be

Big

Like my mama when she walks into a room

While physically

Not so much

You feel her

I remember looking up at her

Like she was the tallest woman I knew

Until I grew beyond her

She always said

I want my children to be better than me

So here I be

Big

Big as she dreamed me to be

If I knew then

What I know now

I would put worry to the side

And come home to myself sooner

Because girl,

I have been missing you

Needing you

This entire time

To remember

Who you are