Hey Siri, play Cleo Sol- Her light.

Hi there

It’s been a minute. 

But here we are at the start of another Spring, blooming. There’s so many messages to process through and live out. It’ll take me a minute but I’ll get to some. 

Everytime I think to post, I wonder, who cares? What if they think…? That’s actually the opposite of freedom and ease. I care. I think what I have to say is wonderful. So here I be.

Life creation is for the dreamers. Anyone who can conceive of their own brilliance in their brain and have the drive to see it through. In this lifetime I have been blessed with both imagination and actions. It is a gift and I am grateful for how far it has taken me. Balance.

Lately I’ve been sleuthing around in personality types. INFJ stands for Introvert, intuitive, feeling and judgement. A rarity. Let me reclaim the simple fact that rare things are special. Because we all exist with our unique makeup under God’s watch and imagine the lady upstairs saying “I’ll sprinkle a few of you in”. She makes no mistakes. And because we all exist of course we are worthy enough to be here. 

So dont take any old thing that comes your way and mistake it for your counterpart. Your equal.

The work that is mine to do includes being very clear about who gets my time. 

Lately I have been having dreams of cursing a mf out. They wake me out of my sleep and I am in a state of being partly aware and still dreaming. Cursing them out. Questioning their sanity. Questioning my place in their hearts if there ever was one. 

Things still hurt. But I will not budge. For I am certain there is no more left to say. I have said it soft, hard, straight and confused. I have said it crying, palms bleeding, hands up. Ferocious, loud, and callous. I recommend journaling. I recommend space. I recommend peace. I recommend a nap around people you love. I recommend remembering that love is care, and giving it to yourself while remaining open to receiving it from trusted people. Even though you lost one, long ago. I have no questions. Comments or concerns. I have exhausted them all. Moving on.

I know sacred when I see it. I mean it when I say love walks around in the sun before social gatherings just to recharge. Come outside love. Let’s find each other while we find ourselves.

People who don’t think things are sacred, scare me. So there’s nothing that touches your heart? God’s grace doesn’t shine on anything? Not the smile of your babies or water down your throat after a long day? Not slow dancing to Sade or singing in unison with your friends? Not the thought of your hearts desires? Or the joy in deep belly laughs? People who don’t know sacred things scare me. Because foundationally, it requires an opening of yourself to experience these things. It may not be all my shades of purple. But it gotta be something. I hope you find it and know that sacred things, things connected by God, deserve protection. YOUR protection. 

Accountability is love. I won’t let not near mf convince me of it otherwise. I know love. Hey boo. It is a soft landing. A familiar place. Soft Downy sheets, a fireplace and burning incense for yourself. Just because. No one else is there to do it, and it relaxes you so you do it. While accountability feels tough, it is so due to the impact. Address that for it alters how you receive a message. There is no community without accountability. Never will you galavant this Earth without consequences. You litter in a river, you wont have potable water. Life is simple that way. 

These days the rose colored glasses are off things that aren’t for me are clear. People,places and things. I only want the soft landing folk. And here’s the thing. Everyone loves the light. Dont you just love it? The thing that looks good, the thing that is self-sustaining, self actualizing, good just because good exists. Dripping love from the skin. I forgot just how good things are over here. What we said? Sacred things need protection. And discernment. And to remember that they are that girl. And to move tf on like everyone else will. For my job is not to love the world, it's to love myself. 

One thing that personality quiz has got me right on is deep connection. I suppose that there is no secret about this. But if I had to be quite honest, I have tried the shallow stuff and for me there is only yearning for depth there. Anyone won’t do. The algorithms and mediocre men will have you believe that what you ask for doesn’t exist. The world will tell you you’re undeserving of it and then list the reasons why. I say fuck em all. When the conclusion is the same for you, and only you can live your life, don’t forsake your truth for bullshit people and systems that want to see you burn anyway.

What you want exists, but like you dear it is rare. There are glimmers in others and let that be a beacon of hope and a reminder not to budge on those unchecked boxes. They matter. So much.

There is so much that has come from the past. I choose to not be a victim of life’s circumstances but instead empowered by the flow of it. Call me a hopeless optimist. I know i will find my way. I would like to say however, it is not through great support, anxiety and exhaustion. It is not without disappointment, hurt or resentment. I direct those feelings where they belong, rightfully. I know everything conspires in my favor. Knowing God intimately keeps me afloat.

These writings leave me a little bit raw lol I don’t know how I did it before! I affirm that I get that same courage back to share some more.

Poems to come.