New Year, Realized Me

This is the first year “weight loss” is not one my new year's resolution.

I am prioritizing optimizing the joy of being in this body the way it is. I am rejecting diet culture and working through my own body acceptance and self image.

Losing weight isn’t for me this year because every year since I was in middle school I have wanted to lose weight. I have entertained diets, restricted myself, and have had musings of surgery. All of which activated that off feeling in my stomach which only comes around when something ain’t right.

Idk about ya’ll but God and my intuition don’t play about me. I get a nauseous feeling in my stomach when things REALLY don’t sit with my spirit. I remember I joined this weight loss group and did keto. I HATED keto. Loved community. But even that community was toxic because it ridiculed people who came with questions. Everyone was so enthralled by the leader of the group who lost a lot of weight by using keto. I was too. But then they bought into mean girl-ness after folks challenged what was going on. Also.. rejecting carbs? For me? Issa no.

Only in love will we win. But also…. Only in enjoying what we are doing without being so restrictive of the things we are putting into our bodies will we win. Love is free.

In November, I went vegan. It was not for weight loss. Apart of my studies to become a breathwork facilitator included reading Prana and Pranayama by Niranjanananda Saraswati. I discovered that the energy we get from fruits and veggies, whole grains, olive oil, ocean fish and shellfish were the highest. Naturally… I said f it. Let’s try the things. But… it was November. Thanksgiving, hello! I celebrate that holiday for the coming together of family, food and a good time. It was a good time but I did not indulge in the food that was present, instead I made my own. I certainly did not go hungry but.. Food is an experience I like to enjoy. Ultimately, it became restrictive for me and I stopped. I do not feel bad either. I need to enjoy what I’m doing for it to work. I will say this though! Eating mostly plant based is a win for my body. I feel energized after eating instead of being weighed down.

We deserve enjoyment. The present is a gift. Systems make money off of me every year with gym memberships and whatever other things I do by mentally and financially by buying into ideas that are harmful to me and others. I cannot be bothered this year.

I am using what I have and managing it. I have this body. Every single person with breath is managing life in the best way that they can until it no longer suits them. I am way more interested in my techniques for managing anxiety, stress and whatever else feelings lie beneath the surface that got me this way. I will not abandon myself to make every other person deliciously more cozy than me. Sheeeeittt I deserve coziness too. I deserve feeling at home in my body. Period. We all do because life is the ultimate present. We get to decide that. Right this second. And not near ad on the socials is going to sway this.

Instead of being on the socials… connect to your body. Move it in a way that feels good. Try the things you have wanted to do but said “my body doesn’t do that like theirs”. Girl, and what about it? Lol you’re it. Put a bow on yourself and delve more into the present. And if you can’t right this second, that's cool too. I want to take this moment to acknowledge that this wave of covid is some shit. Lots of businesses and systems are continuing on in really reckless and abusive ways. You matter above it all. Hold steady to you. Don’t abandon yourself. Give into that urge to be a recluse and Netflix it for the day. Rest. Do what you can. You’ll be all the better for it.

With Better Love,

Earlene