Alleviate & Elevate
Early mornings are sacred.
For about a year I have been in need of the ultimate sleep. In this I been sacrificing my early morning time, which is my favorite time of the day. It is my favorite time for several reasons.
1.The kids are sleeping.
The baby is pulling all nighters and we love that for her but especially for me.
2 .Everything is quiet.
Things are still and silent. It feels like a beautiful space to create and remember what I already know but need reminding of.
My intuition has been shouting rather loudly lately. Speaking words of detachment, freedom and peace. There’s a lot of remembering happening. In addition to the early hours, I am remembering to be at peace with the present.
Since the baby, there's been a rollercoaster of emotions. Lots of it stemming from being pregnant, without my mom present and of course the restrictions of pregnancy. You feel tired, anxious, nervous, worried, impatient and excited all while your body is changing in many ways. Oh its misery! Lmao love the kids but being pregnant is ghetto af. Bye to that. IUD me and stay away from my wound space.
With my son, who’s now 9, I had a lot of help. Literally living in an apartment with hella family. Don’t ask how we did it, it just happened lol but in hindsight it was what I needed. I needed to be surrounded by that level of love with my first kid and I was. I was supported from the front to the back and it was good for all of us.
This pregnancy was different in many ways. I am 30, and I have my own space, car, job, and all of the things I thought I was missing the first go round but my mama wasn’t here to hold my hand this time. Hard ain’t the word. Mothers need their mothers. Period. We can get into the reparenting shits which is valid af, but when you're waddling, your ankles are swollen, and your crying from a kid’s movie, you want your mommy.
Still do. Through her I also remember what kind of women I come from. It’s my favorite shade of red. I come from women who love hard, and when we feel chained we set ourselves free.
I am remembering to trust in the most high/God/Divine/HER. I think Imma use her. She gotta be a woman, birthing all this! I am remembering to trust in her because everything is always working for my highest good. In my first pregnancy I was sad that I didn’t have all the things but I was loaded with the support I NEEDED. This pregnancy, while my mom was gone I still had my family surrounding me in love and while it looked different I still had all the things I needed.
I think what I was seeking is maybe the absence of problems. Though, when I think about it more I remember that peace is perspective and that starts with us. It begins with how we look at things and how much we are willing to let go in order to move in flow to be the people She knows us to be. Alleviate your suffering. Change your perspective.