Baby, it's you!
What a beautiful life we have been blessed to live.
I usually think this when good things are happening. When the universe seems to be aligning me with the right people and opportunities. When my blessed and highly favored-ness is showing. This week I am challenging myself to say this even when it feels like things are not going right. Even when they are going in the opposite direction. I am doing this because of faith. The knowing of something bigger that acts with purpose.
Damn, I was trying not to get preachy. But gratitude is so real. A word that many people have been throwing around like confetti this year is abundance. People want to live from a place of abundance and of course be on the receiving end of it. What if we started with gratitude? Being grateful for our existence exactly as it is. The hair you manage daily that protects you from the beaming sun, give it thanks. The eyes that may require glasses or contacts, show it gratitude.
I been… bare. Free balling out of my comfort zone. This leaves me feeling so incredibly naked and brave. Last week I tried yoga in public for the first time. It was a big deal because I have always been the smart one, now potentially, the spiritual one. I am fine with these things as they elevate me in some way and naturally sets me apart. Hey ego. Being physical is where it gets complicated. Doing yoga in the confines of my home feels fine when I get around to it. Doing it publicly is a huge deal for me and it’s when shit gets real.
It is a huge deal because I was raised with love in my home but the world always told me something different. I am a millennial who is so excited about the world that my kid gets to grow up in where we shame fatphobia but I did not have the pleasure of growing up in these times. I was big time affected by teasing growing up. Oh my young Pisces heart! Words hurt me deeply from others. I was a sensitive, quiet, chubby, tall black girl from the Bronx. I learned to fight quickly, I learned to shrink daily and ultimately I survived. Hi, so glad you could be here too. But of course it shaped the way I viewed myself for years to come and it showed up in my actions and relationships. The constant need for external validation and confirmation from others outside of myself led me to be in harmful situations willfully. I have worked hard to love myself, physically, despite what the world says. I credit Sonya Renee Taylor’s book “The Body Is Not An Apology” for some amazing points that nailed the coffin of my self hate closed. If I have to live this life and I do, God said it is so, so here I be… I will not be doing so half assed loving and living. I will love completely, starting with this body that has had people so pressed since Elementary School. I am releasing the projections of other people’s judgments. I wish them freedom. We all can’t be free if one of us ain’t.
I am glad to not be young anymore. So incredibly thankful for my years. Aging does something that reading a book, hearing a story could never. It gives us lived experience. I have the pleasure to grow from these scars in a very real, full and beautiful way. I say pleasure because it’s the lens I choose to live life from. I invite you to choose your lens too.
What a time to be alive, doing Yoga in a garden in Newark. (Courtesy of @givingonetenth_garden) This body has kept me healthy, it has kept me safe. It did so while being fine as hell. It has undergone trauma and everyday gets better, stronger and more delicious as I will better and more into my life. I am so grateful for it exactly as it exists. Thank you body of mine.
Instead of being on the socials… Choose your body in a very tangible way. Walk yourself. Water yourself. Go use the bathroom when you must. Feel into your aches and do some stretching as it suits you. Or not. Get still. Give your body a rest if that’s what it needs. You are deserving of these things and so much more.
The mantra on repeat is: My body is the answer I have been waiting for. Baby, it’s you. You're it.
Cause what we not finna do is question our existence in these bodies no more!
All My Love,
Earlene
How will you be more intentional with being in your body?